9 Signs That You’ve Found Your Purpose

Do you know your purpose? Most people don’t, and a few think they do, but are incorrect. However, there are several signs that you have probably found your purpose. It might be something that’s right under your nose that you’ve never considered.

Once you’ve determined the purpose for your life and begin living it, it feels like everything falls into place.

Have you found your purpose? These signs may enlighten you:

1. The time flies by.  When you’re spending time pursuing your purpose, it’s hard to figure out where the time went.  There are only a few activities that allow you to seemingly escape the passage of time.  It’s an amazing feeling to find something that’s so easy to work on when other things can be so painful.
2. You feel calm.  There’s a sense of relaxation and focus when you’re living your purpose.  You can just feel that you’re doing the right thing and living your life the way it is meant to be lived.  There’s a peace that comes from living your purpose that’s hard to describe until you experience it for yourself.  How do you feel when you wake up in the morning and know you have to face another day at work?  Do you feel good about it?  Or do you feel annoyed and stressed?
3. Money isn’t the driving force.  You’re not drawn to your purpose by the financial rewards.  However, there are often great financial rewards for living your purpose.  You’re interested, motivated and enjoy that subject.  That’s a great recipe for providing a lot of value.
4. It feels natural.  Living your purpose feels right.  It’s a similar thing to finding your perfect partner.  It’s a very comfortable feeling.
5. You gain energy by doing that thing.  Your purpose creates energy within you.  It doesn’t drain you.  When you spend your day doing something you don’t like, you feel exhausted by the end of the day.
6. You’re more willing to take risks that usual.  When you feel less stress in your life, you’re willing to take on more risk.  When you’re doing something that’s important to you, you’re willing to be braver.
7. Luck is on your side. There’s no scientific explanation for it, but you seem to be a lot luckier when you’re living your purpose.  When you spend your time doing things you don’t like to do,your luck seems to go down the pan.  Think about your life and you’ll find this to be true.
8. You spend less money.  There are just a couple of  reasons to spend money :-

You can purchase something you need, like food or water;

You can purchase something you want, like a TV;

You can purchase things to make yourself feel better.  The more miserable you are, the more likely you are to overspend as a way of boosting your mood and self-esteem.  When you’ve found your purpose, you’ll find that you spend a lot less because you are more content.

9. You care less about what others think.  We are all sensitive to varying degrees about the opinions of others.  But when you’re engaged in your purpose, you are free of this concern.  What you’re doing feels so right that you’re not interested in what others think about what you’re doing.  You feel free.

You feel lost and discontent when you’re not living your purpose. It’s hard to describe, but something just feels off. Finding your purpose and building your life around it is the most satisfying and enjoyable way to live.

If you haven’t found your purpose yet, don’t give up. There’s still time to discover it and live the life you were meant to live!

Make communication a relationship priority

In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows.   Some people enter relationships under the illusion that everything will somehow turn out magically, without the need to communicate thoughts, feelings and needs.  But that is the quickest way to start derailing your relationship.  When you and your partner communicate well together, however, it strengthens your bonds of friendship and deepens your relationship. You connect on a deeper level and care about each other’s thoughts, feelings, dreams, and goals.

Try these strategies to communicate better with your partner:

1. Be honest. Honesty is always the best policy. This is because your relationship is built on trust. If you violate that trust, it’ll damage the communication between the two of you. It’s more difficult to express yourself when you feel like there isn’t that basis of trust.

2. Listen well. Communication is a two way street and listening is half the equation. When you’re good at listening, you become good at interpreting and understanding your partner’s underlying feelings. When you understand your partner, you’re less likely to get into petty arguments because you’ll know where they’re coming from in the first place.

3. Let your partner finish what they’re saying. Whether you’re in the middle of an argument, or your partner’s just telling a story, be sure to hear them out. Listen to everything they have to say before you try to get some words in too.

• This will tell your partner that they’re important and what they have to say is worth listening to. If you jump in and interrupt, you’ll send the opposite message.

4. Share your feelings. Learn how to express your feelings with regularity. If it helps, schedule some time every week to check in with each other emotionally. It keeps you connected to your partner and you’ll both always know the status of the other person.

5. Make time for each other. It’s also important for your communications to share special time together. Perhaps you have similar interests and can bond over certain activities. Maybe you can schedule a date night where you can grab dinner together on a regular basis.

• Especially if your partner is going through a tough time, it’s important to clear out space in your schedule to support them and reinforce how much they mean to you.

6. Avoid reacting in anger. When you disagree, as all couples do from time to time, learn how to express your opinions in a healthy way. Avoid name-calling and take time to cool down if you have to. This is especially important if you tend to say things you don’t mean in the heat of an argument.

Even though it may take some work to bring about this deeper communication, the benefits are well worth it. Give these strategies a try, incorporate them into your daily life, and enjoy a new closeness as you take on the world together!

Contact me for further tips and strategies on improving your relationship communication.

Before You Take Revenge, Read This

Revenge is a common theme in our lives nowadays.  It’s a common theme in movies, in soaps, in music and on our streets.  It’s portrayed as something satisfying – even noble, the wronged hero punishes the wrongdoers and ends up vindicated and validated.   The ugly truth is, Revenge is not an intelligent solution. It solves nothing and creates additional challenges.

There are several disadvantages to revenge:

1. Revenge extends the conflict. Obviously, if you’re considering revenge, there’s an issue of some sort. Revenge doesn’t put the issue to rest. It causes the issue to continue. Imagine if the other person then seeks his own retribution. Where does it end? Someone has to be willing to let it go.
2. Revenge won’t make you feel better in the long run. Revenge is satisfying for a few minutes, but nothing has really changed. Whatever was done to upset you still exists. You can’t go back in time and alter the course of your history. Revenge accomplishes nothing in the long-term.

3. Revenge isn’t free. There is always a cost and it’s not without consequences. The subsequent actions of the other person may cost you. You can lose sleep, your self-respect, your freedom or even your life if you take things too far. Your peace of mind is also at risk.
4. Revenge prolongs the pain. Time can heal all wounds, but only if you don’t reopen them. Allow your wounds to heal by moving on. Giving the situation too much attention only makes you more miserable and prolongs your misery.

Revenge isn’t a good solution to any challenge or hurt. There are wiser and more effective ways to handle your anger and pain.

What to do instead of getting revenge:

1. Forgive and let it go.  This is easier said than done for most of us. But what other option do you really have?  Unless the possibility of ruining your own life is a better and easier option.  The only way to stop feeling bad about the situation is to let it go. You don’t have to forget. After all, it would be a shame if you didn’t learn anything from your negative experience.
2. It may not seem fair or right to let the other person off the hook, but forgiveness is for your own benefit.  Not theirs.  And you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with this person in your head, do you?  Revenge certainly won’t take the event away.
3. Learn from the situation. Did you do something foolish? Were you too trusting? Was it an issue specific to the other person? How can you avoid the same outcome in the future? Do you need to exclude the other person or a group of people from your life?  Were you too naïve or too trusting to make a smart decision? Determine the cause and then consider a reasonable method of prevention. Take advantage of a negative situation by learning from it. You’ll be a stronger and more capable person for it
4. Meditate or pray. Meditation and prayer can put your head back in the right place. You’ll feel more calm, relaxed, and centred. Clear your mind and get to a place of rational thought. You can’t be upset unless you allow yourself to be.
5. Do something that you enjoy. Remind yourself that good things are all around you. Spend an evening with a good friend or with family, read a book, or travel and explore. What activities do you enjoy the most?
6. It doesn’t make sense to spend any more time on the negative issue than absolutely necessary.

Revenge has been  a common theme in history and is actually a natural human reaction. However, revenge seems like a better idea than it really is. Revenge hurts you more than it does the other person. Leave revenge for the movies. Forgive those that have wronged you and enjoy your life.

THE BEST REVENGE IS MASSIVE SUCCESS – Frank Sinatra

To your success!!

Choose your partner wisely

They represent you.

http://www.theresa-empoweryou.co.uk

 

 

 

Running InterFEARance

Are you running a desperation script?

Some people have a relationship desperation script, for some it’s a lack of confidence desperation script. Years ago mine was a money one.   I threw money away in the hope of making money.  It didn’t work, and why? A desperation script is the negative side of who you really are and because of that it  keeps you stuck.   When you’re feeling that panic about a situation, chances are your desperation script will send you to a solution that worsens the situation- not make it better.

Ever hooked up with someone unsuitable whilst feeling unattractive, not confident, unloved?

Ever made a serious of “rash” buys/investments/loans because you were in a money bind?

Ever said/did some stupid hurtful things because you were feeling hurt?

The list is endless.  When we are feeling emotionally depleted and scared, we let our desperation script run wild and all we end up with is more fear, more desperation more despair.

There’s a great little tool to help combat anxiety where you interrupt your anxiety with gratitude.  When you feel the waves of anxiety, turn your focus to all the things you can be grateful for in the moment – however small.   It requires practice and patience, but change is a process, not an event, right?  That’s what I tell my clients.

So pattern interrupt your desperation script, or, as I like to call it, Run InterFEARance. Ask it what it really wants to help you achieve right now.   And if the course of action will seriously help you achieve it?  Don’t be afraid to ask the question because you will receive the right answer.

Oh, and listen for the voice.  Who does your desperation script sound like?

#runinterFEARance

 

Therapy shouldn’t be a panic buy…

Relationship therapy is often a last ditch attempt to save something that anger, hurt, sadness, or betrayal has already sabotaged.  It’s usually fuelled by fear.  By doing nothing about dwindling intimacy or increasing bitterness in a relationship,  it’s easy to bury your head in the sand and hope that the problem will somehow work itself out.  When reality hits, however, and you realise that the distance has become a glaring chasm, a knee-jerk response is often to call a therapist.

Just in time, or a little too late?

A lady called me last week, detailing issues in her relationship.  She had suggested relationship therapy in the past and was quietly surprised when her husband said he would be open to giving it a go.  She didn’t jump on it straight away, though.  Whilst they both recognised their marriage was in trouble, knowing that he was willing to do something about it gave her a sense of peace.  Things were then “OK” for a while after that discussion, so much so that she felt that maybe they didn’t need to see a therapist after all.  But after a particularly vicious blow up, where they both said some more nasty things to each other, she realised that if she didn’t do something quickly, the relationship would be over.

After discussing some of the strategies I use to open the lines of communication in a healthy manner, she was amazed, excited and optimistic about the future.  She still loved her husband and she appreciated that, whilst it would take some time to get back what they’d lost, the thought of being on the right track lifted her.

Two days later she called me back to cancel the session.   She was broken.  When she told her husband about the therapy he simply said “No”.  His words were that he “no longer wanted to save the marriage”.   There was no blame; he had just hit his metaphorical “wall” and he was done.  She was now having to process divorce in the same week she had aspirations for reconciliation.

In relationships we generally have a high tolerance for pain.  We will keep hurting and hurting until enough is too much.  But what’s the point of pushing to see what that limit is?  Because by the time you find it, the relationship is more or less over.

Emotions, love, feelings – they’re fragile and unpredictable.  You can have the same argument over and over until the day it hurts more than it ever did.  Or one day you wake up and it’s done.  No argument, no bitterness, you just look over at your partner and realise that you don’t like him/her.  A gradual drip of negativity, apathy and despair has been growing until there’s nothing left but negativity, apathy and despair.

When faced with just how disconnected the relationship has become, the first instinct is often to try and save it, no matter what.  Including panic buying therapy sessions.  Before rushing in to therapy though, you need to ask yourself whether you have a relationship to save and whether you even want to save it, deep down.  That requires you checking in with yourself, before you speak with your partner, and you cannot hear that still, small voice of your intuition answering you above the loudness of anxiety and fear.  Take a couple of days, mull it over.   Meditate on it.  Pray on it and ask your partner to do the same.  Is your relationship worth saving?  It’s an uncomfortable conversation to have, but a necessary one.  If you are both on the same page, if you both agree to put the work in to fix your relationship, do what you have to do to immediately.  Don’t let it marinate, it doesn’t get better with time.  Read some books, go to some seminars, book a session with a therapist.  Or two.   Being united in a vision and goal to mend your relationship is often just the small, simple step you need to start the ball rolling.

Have faith. You are enough.

Don’t jump to conclusions

Don’t be tempted to assign meanings to every little thing that  happens.  Sometimes things just…happen.  Sometimes people are in their own head, wrapped up in their own thoughts and their reaction to you isn’t personal.  It’s unintentional.

 

By the time you’ve jumped to a conclusion, assigned a meaning and then acted/reacted to it, you’ve just made a small situation a lot worse.

If in doubt, ask!

Have a fantastic weekend.

 

How comfortable is your comfort zone?

Pain can become your comfort zone. You get so used to struggling that you forget other options exist.   Like happiness.  Contentment. Peace.

How badly do you want it though?

Just 7 Things…..

Romance dying out a little?  Just an idea – pick 7 things you like to do as a couple (yes, including that!), write them down and do one per day.  Nothing too fancy, just things that help you bond again,   Every couple should have their own “intimacy box”, things that make you feel like a couple again.

Of course, some of the things you will need to plan, especially if you have children, but I bet you can get creative.

You could arrange for the kids to spend a weekend with Grandma, so you could have a night at a hotel and a  lazy Sunday in bed with the papers, junk food and beer all day (is that just me?).   Taking a cheeky afternoon off (scheduled, of course) is a great way to reconnect and is certainly worth it.  Just don’t use the time to do the shopping or household chores.

Small, private additions to your relationship can stop it going stale and bring the fun back.  And this “Treat Week” is about fun.

“Don’t die with your music still in you”. -Wayne Dyer

The Mistress at Christmas

Whether this is your first Christmas with your married lover, or the fifth, being a mistress at Christmas can be one of the most demoralising ways to end a year.   And depending on how your lover juggled you and his family over the festive season, your New Year won’t be looking much better.

If  he saw you on Christmas Eve, chances are you had a lavish evening and welcomed in Christmas Day together, before he snuck off home to his wife and family.  No?  No lavish evening?  Then he must have made it up on the present……?

He probably called  you first thing on Christmas morning, around 6 am, when he went for his morning pee.  Or maybe he didn’t call you at all, and all your attempts to make contact were met with a straight transfer to voicemail.  And one tick on WhatsApp.

Perhaps he took the earliest chance he got, mid-morning, to tell you how much he missed you, before he had to run off and play the good family man he wants everyone to believe he is.

Or maybe, just maybe, you’re the mistress who’s also a family friend.  The one who’s carefully preparing her outfit  and make up to quietly tease him and show him what he’s missing.   Dressing with promise, styled with prediction.

However he plays it,  know that your Christmas will be spent imagining, whilst his will be spent doing.  Doing the husband thing, the dad thing, the son thing, the son-in-law thing.   The family thing.  He may be cheating on her with you,  but don’t underestimate the hold she still has over him.  And however bad he paints his home life, he still wants to be the good family man.  Even if you are there and he’s snapping at his wife, don’t for one moment think you have the upper hand……

Still, give it another 7 days and you’ll get to play second fiddle again.

This time he’ll promise you it’ll be different.  New Year, new promises, old words.  You’ll be starting 2020 with the promise of a life with him.  Soon.  Someday.  The reality is often very different.  At some point, before Valentine’s day,  there’ll be so many red flags flying, you’ll think they’ve started their own airline.  You won’t be able to miss them.  And you don’t miss them, but you’ll ignore them – after all, you haven’t come this far to only come this far……

By then it’ll be nearly 3 months into  2020.  A quarter of the way through the year.  And the damn red flags will still flying…..

Your story doesn’t have to end here though….

 

 

 

 

 

You know who you are…

You’re already betraying your partner.   I have to believe this is not something you really wanted to do, or thought would get this far.

But it has.

This is not who you are.  Not really.  You’re a good person.  You have a good heart.  You went looking for some fun and you found it.  You also found much more.   You found that part of you you thought had died.   The part of you that you wished you could re-create in your marriage.

And now, you’re faced with a dilemma.  You love your partner; you never wanted to hurt them at all.   But if you go back, you fear you’ll lose that part of you again – this time forever.   And if you keep that magical part of you – the part you really don’t want to lose, you risk losing your marriage.

And you’re not sure you want to risk that.

So you alternate between promise and betrayal.  Betrayal and promise.  Whilst all the time forgetting that that part of you, the one you thought you lost, is still part of you.  And that maybe, just maybe, that part of you can thrive again where you really want it to thrive, without compromise, without guilt.

Who knows?

Relationship 101

A simple, yet effective approach to getting your needs met:

Tell your partner what you want – not what you don’t want.  And by tell, I mean talk to him or her with love.  Avoid shouting, demanding and hitting them with a laundry list of things.  Asking for one specific change increases your chance of getting it.

Giving thanks

For the good, for the not so good and even for the downright bloody horrible.  Sounds stupid, right? But if you learn from whatever happens to you – if there’s a lesson in there that you can take something from and grow, then that’s something to be thankful for.

Something to think about

You are enough

 

That’s not a mantra, nor an affirmation.   It’s the truth.  You weren’t created imperfect,; you are unique.  There’s no-one who can be you…..except you.

So don’t let anybody try to tell you different.  Especially that little annoying voice in your head that sounds very much like [your mum/dad/brother/sister/girlfriend/boyfriend/teacher/priest/villageidiot……fill in the blank].