So, I finally caught up with Dirty John. My bestie had suggested I watch it, I had a free weekend and…..
Far be it from me to criticise Debra’s journey. Lord knows, I’ve been in relationships people close to me wanted me to get out of. I’m not here to judge (although how she didn’t see all the red flags which were flying around like bunting at a country fayre is beyond me).
No, I was more curious about her boundaries (or lack of). Especially as she’d been married 4 times before. Dirty John turned up for their first date in shorts, whilst she was appropriately dressed – and she was OK with that. Her daughter clearly found his attire inappropriate – I wondered why she didn’t.
Then there was the black tie event. How was she OK with him turning up to the event in theatre scrubs (albeit very clean theatre scrubs for a man who’d been operating all afternoon. If he had time to change into clean scrubs, he had time to put something appropriate on)? I have to admit, I started switching off at that point. I was losing count of how many ways you knew this was not going to end well. Especially when she married him after a couple of months.
Red flags alert us. Boundaries protect us.
What we believe about ourselves, deep down, is the unconscious vibration and frequency we send out. Debra, in this story, is an attractive, wealthy woman and deserved to attract her counterpart. Yet she didn’t. After 4 divorces and some family tragedy and trauma, you can bet that her self-esteem tank was running on empty. And a predator, like Dirty John, could more than likely sense that.
If you’re a woman of a certain age, going back into the dating pool, set yourself some boundaries. Don’t leave yourself open and vulnerable. Having and maintaining healthy boundaries will stop you settling for someone who doesn’t complement your life.
In fact, that’s a lesson for everyone.